Another posting from the Caped First Dater series. Funny and true!
Well boys and girls... It's that time again to visit the world of everyone's favorite Caped Dater. Last we left her, she victoriously thwarted yet another loser and forever he will stay away from any woman wanting a "normal" relationship. Innocent women everywhere are rejoicing at The Caped First Dater's efforts.
In a few short weeks Amie is reminded of the 3rd year anniversary of a night spent with her long time crush. She ran into him in a local bar after not seeing him for many years. The moment they saw each other, there were fireworks. Everyone else in the bar simply vanished, they were completely alone to be reunited at long last. Flashes of laughter and joy are a frequent reminder of that night. She reminisces when he told her that he always wanted to be with her but never wanted to damage their friendship. And when he told her that he didn't want to loose her again, she was forever elated. Amie knew that this was it. He was the one. She could call off the man hunt for her "Mr. Perfect". The next day, she waited for his call that he had promised her. No call. Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. Nothing. No sign that he even existed. She even started to think that her mind was playing tricks on her. Amie knew better. She knew that he was just another douche bag waiting to use her and toss her aside waiting for his next victim. Amie chalked it up and continued her life as if nothing happened.
3 long years later, Amie and a few close friends decide to go for a Girls-Night-Out. The drinks were flowing and the dancing was exhausting. As the girls were getting ready to leave in order to find another scene to paint, in walks the alleged "Mr. Not-So-Perfect". At first, Amie thought it was a mirage. As her friend shook her to gain her attention, Amie knew it was the real thing. Amie knew that there was no time for her emotions to get in the way. He had to be stopped before another unknowing and virtuous girl was hurt by this monster. Something had to be done. In a New York minute, she zipped toward the ladies room and exited as THE CAPED FIRST DATER!
With a turquoise, pink and lavender blur, our heroine suddenly appears standing next to Mr. Not-So-Perfect. Her cunning smile and radiant hair in place, she makes a move. She nods to the bartender requesting drinks, and in an instant two beers materialize in front them. Obviously impressed, Mr. Not-So-Perfect strikes up a conversation. He talks about the weather, the downfall of today's economy, his latest business endeavor and anything remotely boring and uninteresting. All the while she smiles and gives him her undivided attention. As the bartender announces last call, he whispers in her ear "Let's get out of here and do something bad." She flashes him a smile and follows him outside. He then leads her to a dark alleyway and he proceeds to grope her. She pushes him back and with her fists of concrete she punches him square in the nose. For what seemed like hours, he was bent over covering his nose to prevent any more blood loss. When he rose up, he screamed "What the hell was that?!?" Trying to hold her emotions close, she exclaimed "That's for breaking her heart not only once but twice. You will never hurt her again!" Like a lightning bolt, she flew off wiping the tears from her face.
Mr. Not-So-Perfect is the sole reason The Caped First Dater came into existence. She swoops in day in and day out, saving women from making dire mistakes. Women need someone to teach men like this lessons in how to treat them. They are not something you can discard like the daily newspaper. The Caped Dater is a marvel among women. Without her, women would never rise from the pain men put them through. This is the reason she must go on fighting crimes done against women.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's....
The next few blogs are postings I forgot I had on my "Lame-space" page. I started this series a few years ago but kind of lost steam after a few postings. It was during my "comic book" phase, so bear with me! Let me know if I should continue with it....
By day, Amie Cash is just a normal, fun-loving gal. She helps her family battle the everyday struggles. When her friends think about doing anything insane or harebrained, she works as a negotiator and talks them out of their plans. You may even see her while she is out on the town assisting little old ladies across the street, as well as giving out loose change to your local street bums. As she shuttles to her thankless job where she checks fine business men and women into the hotel, she always seems happy and willing to make your day the best. When Amie's long and droning shift comes to an end, she hears a small voice crying for help. With immediate urgency, Amie flashes to the ladies room. In one amazing zip, she exits as "The Caped First Dater"!!! Almost falling over, the women in the restroom see a vivid flash of pink, turquoise and lavender (with a hint of chocolate brown), and they are immediately relieved that help is on the way! As our Caped friend travels at the speed of light, she reaches her destination. Still hearing the victims' plea, she bursts through the door and exclaims "Have no fear, your Caped First Dater is here!!!" With a sigh of relief, the lonely, desperate (and slightly retarded) man is overcome with joy! "Caped First Dater, I am SO excited you are here! I have been waiting forever for you to walk into my life. You are the epitome of beauty! Will you marry me???" The lovely yet distraught superhero ignores the poor mans' request and continues on her quest of yet another morbid and unearthly date. She listens to the mans' tale of a lonely and sad life, waiting for a woman such a herself to grace him with her presence. The Caped First Dater is all but polite when he reaches in his pocket and pulls out $1.75 for the bar tab. She waives her hand at his meager change and tells him "No, it is my pleasure to pay for this. After all, I am the CAPED FIRST DATER!" Simply overwhelmed, the sad excuse of a man leans in to kiss our superhero. The First Dater politely turns her cheek and he plants a very wet and inappropriate kiss on her face. As they walk out of the tavern together, he attempts to pull her aside so he can use inappropriate behavior. In one swift movement, she sends the loser plummeting to the concrete. With one foot firmly planted on his chest and both her hands on her hips, she proclaims "As the Caped First Dater, I DO NOT put out on the first date!!! You sir, need to be punished!!!" For one brief moment, he flashes her an evil smile thinking that he will be punished in a very good way. She grasps him firmly by his arm and they both rocket into the dark sky. He starts wailing out in agony, for the forceful tug on his arm had dislocated his shoulder, he then blacks out from the pain. A short while later, the horny and disturbed man wakes up finding himself lying on the floor of a small, dirty bar. He is surrounded by many biker men looking at him with desire. He stands up and looks at himself in the mirror on the wall, he is now wearing a short red pleather skirt and a sequined tub top with red platform heels. As the door closes behind our hero, she hears a high-pitch, feminine cry for help. Very pleased with herself, the Caped First Dater flys off into the sunrise, wondering what the next night of dating will bring her....
What will The Caped First Dater encounter next week? S & M Man? Super Tranny? Or is it going to be the infamous Mr. Curious???
Stay tuned for the Adventures of
THE CAPED FIRST DATER!!!!
By day, Amie Cash is just a normal, fun-loving gal. She helps her family battle the everyday struggles. When her friends think about doing anything insane or harebrained, she works as a negotiator and talks them out of their plans. You may even see her while she is out on the town assisting little old ladies across the street, as well as giving out loose change to your local street bums. As she shuttles to her thankless job where she checks fine business men and women into the hotel, she always seems happy and willing to make your day the best. When Amie's long and droning shift comes to an end, she hears a small voice crying for help. With immediate urgency, Amie flashes to the ladies room. In one amazing zip, she exits as "The Caped First Dater"!!! Almost falling over, the women in the restroom see a vivid flash of pink, turquoise and lavender (with a hint of chocolate brown), and they are immediately relieved that help is on the way! As our Caped friend travels at the speed of light, she reaches her destination. Still hearing the victims' plea, she bursts through the door and exclaims "Have no fear, your Caped First Dater is here!!!" With a sigh of relief, the lonely, desperate (and slightly retarded) man is overcome with joy! "Caped First Dater, I am SO excited you are here! I have been waiting forever for you to walk into my life. You are the epitome of beauty! Will you marry me???" The lovely yet distraught superhero ignores the poor mans' request and continues on her quest of yet another morbid and unearthly date. She listens to the mans' tale of a lonely and sad life, waiting for a woman such a herself to grace him with her presence. The Caped First Dater is all but polite when he reaches in his pocket and pulls out $1.75 for the bar tab. She waives her hand at his meager change and tells him "No, it is my pleasure to pay for this. After all, I am the CAPED FIRST DATER!" Simply overwhelmed, the sad excuse of a man leans in to kiss our superhero. The First Dater politely turns her cheek and he plants a very wet and inappropriate kiss on her face. As they walk out of the tavern together, he attempts to pull her aside so he can use inappropriate behavior. In one swift movement, she sends the loser plummeting to the concrete. With one foot firmly planted on his chest and both her hands on her hips, she proclaims "As the Caped First Dater, I DO NOT put out on the first date!!! You sir, need to be punished!!!" For one brief moment, he flashes her an evil smile thinking that he will be punished in a very good way. She grasps him firmly by his arm and they both rocket into the dark sky. He starts wailing out in agony, for the forceful tug on his arm had dislocated his shoulder, he then blacks out from the pain. A short while later, the horny and disturbed man wakes up finding himself lying on the floor of a small, dirty bar. He is surrounded by many biker men looking at him with desire. He stands up and looks at himself in the mirror on the wall, he is now wearing a short red pleather skirt and a sequined tub top with red platform heels. As the door closes behind our hero, she hears a high-pitch, feminine cry for help. Very pleased with herself, the Caped First Dater flys off into the sunrise, wondering what the next night of dating will bring her....
What will The Caped First Dater encounter next week? S & M Man? Super Tranny? Or is it going to be the infamous Mr. Curious???
Stay tuned for the Adventures of
THE CAPED FIRST DATER!!!!
Chasing a Dream
Well, It's quite some time since my last post... My apologies to you, but it's been quite a year! Sadly I haven't been on many dates lately. Too much on my mind, really. This next story is something that I've been feeling for a while and didn't know how to express until now. It's more on a serious note than my previous postings, so bear with me on the mood change and I will get back to the comedies of my dating life.
It's been a long journey, getting over a love; this is one of the steps for me to take in order to heal. Once I wrote it, I realized that it wasn't about just one man, it was about every relationship, every friendship, every challenge and every dream that I have had and haven't been able to hold onto. I just hope that it can help others as it has helped me. Enjoy!
It seems that each passing day is the same, if not worse, as the last; no end in sight. I was weary of smiling and faking the happiness I've grown so accustomed to portray. With every courteous but shallow, “How are you?”, my insides decayed with each. I was good at it by now. In fact, I was so good that no one even thought twice when I walked in with puffy eyes and a runny nose from my incessant sobbing every time I stepped through the door. “How are you?” Such an insensitive and obtuse question to ask someone you've just met. Beyond the common courtesies instilled in us as children, when it is asked, the questioner hardly wants an answer other than “Fine. And how are you?” I muster through, and despite the urge to wildly rant on of my woes, I give them the satisfactory “Fine, and you?” Day in and day out, I address everyone as if the whole world is going my way and I wish that my happiness can infect their lives as much as it has mine. No one needs to know the harsh truth of my despair. What good will it do, anyhow? So my life goes.
As I am in another meaningless conversation with a wayward traveler who is seemingly interested in our dialogue, out of the corner of my eye, I see him. Distraction sets in and nothing can bring my focus back. I excuse myself and begin walking in the direction of this apparition. He is walking so fast I can barely keep up. My speed seems faster than light, yet his is much faster than that. I call out his name, but not even a flinch from him slows him down. His arm is now outstretched, grasping for the closest doorknob, and in a flash he's gone through the door. Like Alice, curiosity has settled at the bottom of my insides, I follow the White Rabbit.
My hand trembles as I place it on the knob, my heart is pounding in my throat and my feet are firmly planted where they stand. I can't move. The doubtful side of my brain is telling me it's not him, my heart is crying out that it is. I've heard of “walking contradictions”, but never knew it could actually happen, until now. Fear and Courage: Gladiators fighting against each other inside me, I am unable to control the trembling now coursing through my body. I turn the doorknob, but Fear has overthrown Courage and I can't seem to push the door open. I drop my arm in defeat, turn my back to the door and walk back the way I came. I hear the hush of the crowd in the Colosseum as Courage falls to his knees in agony, as the sword is plunged into his chest. His heart pierced as mine. Tears well in my eyes. The weight of despair is once again on my shoulders. Just then, my gladiator rises with vigor as the screeching sirens of the emergency exit are released. Courage urges me to follow my wounded heart, and my heart forces me to follow him, where ever he may lead me.
I slam though the door that once barricaded me, chasing the coattails of my love. He is a mere few yards in front of me, running, as if being chased by the authorities. Everything in my body seems to be communicating with ease. My feet are telling my legs to move faster. My arms are telling my waist to dodge any innocent bystanders. My heart is screaming to all appendages, “Please God. Don't slow down.” The scent of him invaded my nostrils which gave me that extra boost of speed I needed to catch up, and yet with every stride, he still seemed miles away. It mattered not. I must finish this through. I long for him and nothing or no one can stand in my way. Onward, I sprint.
Sweat now streaming down into my eyes, temporarily blinded, I stumble across a crack in the sidewalk. I stop to gather my long lost deep breaths, and wipe the sweat from my eyes. Adrenaline is racing through my veins. I want to keep moving, in fear that I may lose him once again, but as the sleeve of my shirt sops up the salty water from my face, I see him a few feet from me. He's just standing there. Watching. Waiting. Searching for my next move, any movement of mine. I am impossibly immobile, and all I can do is smile. The very same smile that hasn't seen the light of day in what seems like an eternity. Truth can be told without saying a single word with a smile. That's what I gave him. The only thing that my completely depleted body could give him. He took that smile and gave me one in return. My heart melts. Sweat turns into tears. Running down my cheeks, I still hold that smile for him. My feet move as if separate from my body. They slowly walk toward him, and with every step, another tear falls. Time has fallen still. Cars have stopped in their tracks. People are paused in action. City sounds are muted. Step by step, the progressive space between us grows smaller. Tears are still raining from my swollen eyes. I can't stop now. Just one more step and I will be in his arms again and the world will be right once more. Inches from my grasp and the world immediately moves at normal speed. My fingertips, outstretched toward his, and just as briefly as they touch, that's how quickly he bolts away from me.
The busy street of the city continues with its' life, and I am standing motionless, watching him run from me. My legs refuse to carry me. My body is spent. My heart is broken. My gladiator, once a victor, now a quiescent and lifeless pile of nothing. In an instant, I fall to my knees in sheer pain. As I watch him sprint away in the distant, he becomes increasingly small. Through my tears, I focus on him and all that he has given to me, all that he has just taken away from me. Sobbing uncontrollably, the small shadow of him has now disappeared, and all I have are the memories of us. Fear has conquered over me. This villainous miscreant has taken over every happy memory and joyous feeling I have left. No matter how fast I run, I will never catch him. If I look for him, he can never be found. It doesn't matter how many tears I shed, he will never dry them. I am running an endless track, and no matter how long I run it, I will do nothing but run with not as much as a drop of water to quench my thirst. This is now my brutal reality I must live.
I guess, in time, I may find him again. Walking aimlessly, searching for anything that will fill this void. Of course, I have my doubts. What we once shared is impossible to recreate and my dreams of finding it are long gone along with him. This inner battle has halted my desire for his love. Tears may fall from time to time, but with each tear fallen, the weakened and defeated gladiator grows stronger. When the time is right, and the opportunity presents itself, I will win, I will defeat this villain and all of Rome will chant my name in victory.
It's been a long journey, getting over a love; this is one of the steps for me to take in order to heal. Once I wrote it, I realized that it wasn't about just one man, it was about every relationship, every friendship, every challenge and every dream that I have had and haven't been able to hold onto. I just hope that it can help others as it has helped me. Enjoy!
It seems that each passing day is the same, if not worse, as the last; no end in sight. I was weary of smiling and faking the happiness I've grown so accustomed to portray. With every courteous but shallow, “How are you?”, my insides decayed with each. I was good at it by now. In fact, I was so good that no one even thought twice when I walked in with puffy eyes and a runny nose from my incessant sobbing every time I stepped through the door. “How are you?” Such an insensitive and obtuse question to ask someone you've just met. Beyond the common courtesies instilled in us as children, when it is asked, the questioner hardly wants an answer other than “Fine. And how are you?” I muster through, and despite the urge to wildly rant on of my woes, I give them the satisfactory “Fine, and you?” Day in and day out, I address everyone as if the whole world is going my way and I wish that my happiness can infect their lives as much as it has mine. No one needs to know the harsh truth of my despair. What good will it do, anyhow? So my life goes.
As I am in another meaningless conversation with a wayward traveler who is seemingly interested in our dialogue, out of the corner of my eye, I see him. Distraction sets in and nothing can bring my focus back. I excuse myself and begin walking in the direction of this apparition. He is walking so fast I can barely keep up. My speed seems faster than light, yet his is much faster than that. I call out his name, but not even a flinch from him slows him down. His arm is now outstretched, grasping for the closest doorknob, and in a flash he's gone through the door. Like Alice, curiosity has settled at the bottom of my insides, I follow the White Rabbit.
My hand trembles as I place it on the knob, my heart is pounding in my throat and my feet are firmly planted where they stand. I can't move. The doubtful side of my brain is telling me it's not him, my heart is crying out that it is. I've heard of “walking contradictions”, but never knew it could actually happen, until now. Fear and Courage: Gladiators fighting against each other inside me, I am unable to control the trembling now coursing through my body. I turn the doorknob, but Fear has overthrown Courage and I can't seem to push the door open. I drop my arm in defeat, turn my back to the door and walk back the way I came. I hear the hush of the crowd in the Colosseum as Courage falls to his knees in agony, as the sword is plunged into his chest. His heart pierced as mine. Tears well in my eyes. The weight of despair is once again on my shoulders. Just then, my gladiator rises with vigor as the screeching sirens of the emergency exit are released. Courage urges me to follow my wounded heart, and my heart forces me to follow him, where ever he may lead me.
I slam though the door that once barricaded me, chasing the coattails of my love. He is a mere few yards in front of me, running, as if being chased by the authorities. Everything in my body seems to be communicating with ease. My feet are telling my legs to move faster. My arms are telling my waist to dodge any innocent bystanders. My heart is screaming to all appendages, “Please God. Don't slow down.” The scent of him invaded my nostrils which gave me that extra boost of speed I needed to catch up, and yet with every stride, he still seemed miles away. It mattered not. I must finish this through. I long for him and nothing or no one can stand in my way. Onward, I sprint.
Sweat now streaming down into my eyes, temporarily blinded, I stumble across a crack in the sidewalk. I stop to gather my long lost deep breaths, and wipe the sweat from my eyes. Adrenaline is racing through my veins. I want to keep moving, in fear that I may lose him once again, but as the sleeve of my shirt sops up the salty water from my face, I see him a few feet from me. He's just standing there. Watching. Waiting. Searching for my next move, any movement of mine. I am impossibly immobile, and all I can do is smile. The very same smile that hasn't seen the light of day in what seems like an eternity. Truth can be told without saying a single word with a smile. That's what I gave him. The only thing that my completely depleted body could give him. He took that smile and gave me one in return. My heart melts. Sweat turns into tears. Running down my cheeks, I still hold that smile for him. My feet move as if separate from my body. They slowly walk toward him, and with every step, another tear falls. Time has fallen still. Cars have stopped in their tracks. People are paused in action. City sounds are muted. Step by step, the progressive space between us grows smaller. Tears are still raining from my swollen eyes. I can't stop now. Just one more step and I will be in his arms again and the world will be right once more. Inches from my grasp and the world immediately moves at normal speed. My fingertips, outstretched toward his, and just as briefly as they touch, that's how quickly he bolts away from me.
The busy street of the city continues with its' life, and I am standing motionless, watching him run from me. My legs refuse to carry me. My body is spent. My heart is broken. My gladiator, once a victor, now a quiescent and lifeless pile of nothing. In an instant, I fall to my knees in sheer pain. As I watch him sprint away in the distant, he becomes increasingly small. Through my tears, I focus on him and all that he has given to me, all that he has just taken away from me. Sobbing uncontrollably, the small shadow of him has now disappeared, and all I have are the memories of us. Fear has conquered over me. This villainous miscreant has taken over every happy memory and joyous feeling I have left. No matter how fast I run, I will never catch him. If I look for him, he can never be found. It doesn't matter how many tears I shed, he will never dry them. I am running an endless track, and no matter how long I run it, I will do nothing but run with not as much as a drop of water to quench my thirst. This is now my brutal reality I must live.
I guess, in time, I may find him again. Walking aimlessly, searching for anything that will fill this void. Of course, I have my doubts. What we once shared is impossible to recreate and my dreams of finding it are long gone along with him. This inner battle has halted my desire for his love. Tears may fall from time to time, but with each tear fallen, the weakened and defeated gladiator grows stronger. When the time is right, and the opportunity presents itself, I will win, I will defeat this villain and all of Rome will chant my name in victory.
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